When To Avoid Your Superhero Friends

So I'm getting caught up on what's happening in the comic book world, starting with a stack of recent Spider-Man issues.

Now, I'm not one to complain about absurdity in a comic book. I mean, even to pick these things up, one has to be ready to read about a world in which guys in long underwear have underground lairs and plot to take over the world. Absurd things must be taken in stride. Hell, a good comic writer can even make me take a guy like The Silver Surfer seriously.

But did you ever notice that every time a hero gets a new power or a suit with a new feature, they have to show a scene three pages later where they would have been killed if not for that power? Every single time. If Spidey gets a new suit with some bullet-deflecting capabilities, it's a sure bet he'll be shot at point blank range inside of five pages.

Knowing about this cliche may come in handy some day. If you're ever hanging around a bunch of super heros, and one of them tells you he just got a suit with the power to defeat giant poop monsters, you'll know make tracks for some other state immediately, because you KNOW that one of them must be on its way.

Other things you don't want a superhero to say:

"I just made some adjustments to my costume, including some cool new accessories. I don't know when it'll come in handy, but now I can.....

...determine the source of mysterious, overpowering odors!
...summon a legion of naked insurance salesman instantly!
...figure out how much blood a person has lost in quarts OR litres!
...remember every single verse of the national anthem, and sing it in falsetto!
...provide first aid to bystanders who get really painful snakebites!
...survive even when the poison in the punch kills everyone else present!


Why, yes, I do have too much time on my hands today.