Glumpy: The Elf Who Got Drunk and Sawed His Leg Off

Annual repost of a modern Christmas Carol:

The highlight of my family's holiday is usually the tacky gift exchange. Whilst digging through the Dollar Tree for my entry, I came upon a little statue of a drunk-looking elf doing some sawing. I broke the rules a bit, using a dremel and some paint to make it tackier, but here're the results:

The Elf Who Got Drunk And Sawed His Leg Off
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And, for good measure, here's the Glumpy Carol, which whoever gets him will have to sing:

Tune of Frosty the Snow Man
by Adam Selzer (all rights reserved, ASCAP)

Glumpy, the poor elf
hit the bottle once again
and he stumbled 'round through the streets in town
puking every now and then

"It ain't a problem!"
is what Glumpy always said
but the elves would watch as he guzzled scotch
and they'd frown and shake their heads

There must have been some bad stuff in the bottle he just quaffed
for as he worked there at his bench, he sawed his leg right off!

Glumpy, the poor elf
has to hop, not walk, today
though he's known to hope, like a drunken dope
that it might grow back some day

Gluggety glug glug, gluggety glub glug, look at Glumpy go!
Gluggety glug glug, gluggety glug glug, hobbling through the snow!

My other holiday story: The Frosty Files: A Holiday Classic

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Adam's New Book: Sept 2013