On Samsung

So there I sat, waiting to see The Muppets, when the Samsung commercial was projected on the scene. It showed a group of idiots waiting on some new phone (obviously an iPhone) and being awed by a bystander with a Samsung.

"I could never use a Samsung," said one smug line-waiter. "I'm creative."

"Dude," said the person next to him, in a smug tone, "you're a barista."

Well, I was a barista once. In fact, I wrote my first published novel while I was one of them. And large chunks of the second, for that matter. And when things were slow, I turned that coffee shop into a science lab. Just figuring out how to deal with some of the customers involved a LOT of creativity. I took that ad as a personal insult.

Back at home after the movie, I found the best email address I could for Samsung's CEO, Y.K. Kim. Y.K. looks like he used to be cool once - he has a degree in French language and literature. But now he apparently thinks that baristas who think they can still be creative should be mocked for suggesting such a thing.

I fired off an email saying that letting a commercial like that air on his watch was a disgrace. If THAT is their attitude towards baristas and creative people, I wouldn't buy one of their phones unless they came out with one that could fire lasers at my enemies and turn them into pudding. And not just any pudding either - it would have to be a kind I loved but couldn't find in stores anywhere.

Of course, the CEO will never see it. These guys tend to have whole ARMIES of guys surrounding them to make sure they never have to take one bit of responsibility for their own mistakes, their own incompetence, or their own lousy companies. And when they finally screw things up so badly that the board gets rid of them, they'll walk off with millions anyway. This, I think, is what the "Occupy" movement really boils down to - telling powerful people that they suck right to their no-good faces.

I hope Occupy camps out at Y.K.'s house and doesn't bring Porta Potties. If YOU'RE a barista, print out his photo and post it in the back room at your store, suggesting that if you see this man, you should give him decaf.

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Adam's New Book: Sept 2013