Me = Trained Monkey

This time of year, I do a lot of tours that have been chartered by corporate groups. Some of these can be fun. Most often, they are not. Usually, only one or two people is really interested in the tour at all, and the rest just talk their way through it. I can usually get their attention sooner or later on a normal tour, but if it's a pub crawl, it's all over. Last night I had a couple of guys pull me aside and said "what's with all this ghost story stuff? we don't need to hear about ghosts." Another came by and said "THere's a guy over there who's the head of the Kmart account. You should tell some jokes about Kmart.That's the kind of thing we want."

I obliged as much as possible - I joked that there is, in fact, a portal to the netherworld in the back of the Kmart at Ashland and Division, but, since it's in the back of a Kmart, there's no danger that anyone will ever find it (having worked as a vendor for Mattel and been in the back of every Kmart, Target and Walmart in the area, I can tell you that for sure - the back rooms of Kmarts are a MESS).

I also had a bit of fun with the fact that the corporation in question, Proctor and Gamble, has been rumored to be owned by Satanists since the great "satanic panic" of the 80's (which never really died in the South - even in the late 90's when I was in high school down there, I knew a lot of people who were being told - in church - that the Smurfs were some sort of pro-Satan allegory). I practically drooled at the thought of driving them past the sight where Anton LaVey (founder of the Church of Satan) was born, though I ended up getting the impression that it was a darn good thing I waited until they'd had a few drinks before I brought this up. Seems that it's still a sore subject with them.

At the end of most of these tours, I'm filled with good cheer. I can walk away thinking "I don't have to work with these jerks every day....probably never again."

After the tour last night, I wandered from the drop-off spot over to the Jazz Showcase to catch Mose Allison. Paid the cover, wandered in, and got a front-row table right in front of the piano. If you can think of a better way to blow off steam after a tough day at work, I'd like to know about it.

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Adam's New Book: Sept 2013